Resolute

Instead of the same old bullshit resolutions that everyone always makes (ie. more fabulous self, more fabulous body, more fabulous brains, more fabulous life, more fabulous everything) I've decided to try resolving to do some different things, starting with the following:
1. Learn to tap dance in morse code.
2. Invent a flashing marquis light for the front of my car that says things like "get out of the fast lane you slow-moving asshole!"
3. Incorporate myself with my magnificence as my corporation's product. Therefore all things that I purchase to make myself even more fab will be totally deductable.
4. Learn tagalog, because who needs "practical" languages?
5. Begin my artistic career by constructing my first installation piece, Merkin Shadowboxes (you know as a commentary on the marginalization of the pubic region).
6. Make lamingtons. From scratch.

It's all fun and games until someone throws rocks onto my back deck...

Usually, I'm a pretty easy going neighbour. If our dogs bark more than a few times D and I go outside and herd them back in. We don't leave them alone in the backyard because we don't want them to be a nuisance.

One of our backfence neighbours has a dog that barks incessantly. Generally, we try to be good natured about it. Also, their kids are shrieking banshees. Again, we generally don't pay it much mind.

But, I do believe the children of said neighbour have just officially declared war with me. They have no idea what a mean old lady I can be.

Last night, we heard some thumping sounds from outside...but generally discounted these as deritus falling due to high winds etc. Nope. This morning the D found big rocks (mind you, not pebbles) on our back deck...frightfull close to our back windows. Rocks that look suspiciously like those rocks under back neighbours overbuilt playset.

Not only that, he was out there puttering around the garden when the kid that lives in that house came sailing into his backyard. I don't think he knew D was out there because as soon as one of our dogs barked, he went and let his maniac dog out and then started kicking the fence.

D told him "Oy, you cut that out. And if I ever find another rock on my back deck I'm coming over to tell your parents."

The kid went inside and took his dog.

Actually, kid, you get no free out of jail card with me, I've got a pile of rocks here and tonight I'm coming over to pay a little visit to your parents.

Hogmanay!

(Best wishes for all my scots friends!)

Help Yourself

There is a pecan pie in our breakroom. It has a sign on it that says: "Help Yourself."

Indeed!

But how?

Rebuttal
Dear Upper-Half,

Thanks a lot. Your note and constant whining instigated an overenthusiastic use of ourselves today at the gym. Thanks to you, our barely healing friend (left knee) has now lost ground on the "healing" road.

We are not amused and intend to make it known every time she walks up and down stairs.

Signed,

The Lower Half

MetroTV's To Live and Date in New York

Is it just me, or does all of this just seem really really ridiculous? They are all just so trendy and FUN! and have WILD! and CRAZY! lives and aspirations.

Yawn.

Yeah, yeah, I know...I'm sure I have no clue not living in NYC and all. But these women seem horrendous! Is this some freaky alternate reality?

God. And with all the cute and smart men (no brooders please) residing in New York....well, god, I just feel sorry for them is all. I'd like to give them all a bit of my own personal nurturing.

Bad Habits

I have several. Shut up, so do you.

One that is particularly annoying and nasty is that I will decide, on sight, that I loathe someone. Loathe to the point of shuddering disgust.

Generally this happens with someone I have never met, nor will ever meet. Specifically, they are those people that enter your little universe only by chance that you share the same train every morning. Or work in the same building. For me, the most memorable are those that I loathe that work in the same building, but I've never met. The ones I have to see time and time again.

Back on Mill St it was that creepy blonde fellow. The one with the revoltingly long fingernails. Why? I mean, what is up with that people? Carefully manicured and long. Was he a secret night time queen? Or perhaps he played guitar. Or whatever. He was revolting. He would cross his arms and hold his hands in such a way that the talons were most fetchingly displayed. (Val, I know you know who I'm talking about.) He was extra-super special creepy because he was one of those people that if you accidently made eye contact with him...that was it, he took it as permission to talk and talk and talk......God. Just thinking about him makes my skin crawl.

Here, there is another one like that. Except he's not blonde, nor does he have scary hands. He is just fetid. He sighs ALOT. And though he doesn't try to tell me his life story, if he is in the elevator with someone he works with I get to hear the latest tragedy in his life. Everything about his being just makes my skin crawl. He is dumpy and nondescript....but every bit as offensive as Cherie Blair. I swear, just the very sight of his car makes me involuntarily roll my eyes.

Yeah. I'm a real duchess that way. No wonder so many people are lined up to be my BFF.

Comments are back! You know, because you people were so keen on using them before!

Subject: The On-going Unfair Torture

Dear Madame,

We understand that you injured your knee just over a week ago now. Due to this injury, you have been unable to bend your knee. We understand the pain and hardship this must be causing you, especially with regards to negotiating the stairs. But, for mercy's sake, would you please come up with some other way of getting in your exercise besides the relentless overworking of ourselves?

Truly, we sympathise, and look forward to a wondeful summer of short-sleavedness. All we ask of you is to temper your enthusiasm with some sensibility, lest we refuse to work altogether.

Sincerely,

Your Arms/Shoulders/Pecs

Michael Barrish's Oblivio

I've linked a few of his entries. I can not tell you how much I enjoy his writing. I look forward to it every day.

NEWS.com.au | British TV to show baby eater (December 30, 2002)

I don't get this kind of "art." To me, provocation does not equal art. It doesn't even inspire thought or dialogue. It's just shock tactics and revolting.

AUCTION STAND FOR PERSONAL HATE.

Monday Morning

You know I've always joked about being the first to volunteer if ever there was a chip upgrade offered for the human brain. Recently, I've been thinking that it would be great if I had a recording device implanted directly into my brain. There are so many times that a thought occurs to me (no really, there are) that I think "God, I've got to remember this so I can think about it later." Later, all I remember is that I admonished myself to remember. It's kind of like trying to recall a dream....you have a vague sense about the dream but can not remember the details.

There are so many things I want to tell you. I just keep forgetting them.

Small Mercies:
(aka list of things I'm currently very happy about)

1. Being able to bend my leg somewhat. I should have a fantastic scar at the end of the day.
2. Clementines! Those gorgeous golden bundles of citrus goodness.
3. Cabernet Shiraz
4. Variegated Myer Lemon plants! (I bought one. It produces a lemon with PINK fruit!)
5. Half-priced chrissy chocolates. Especially bags of fun size chocolates. That I've hidden from D. (Shhhh)
6. Les Potage. Les YUM! Tonight's episode was creamy broccoli.
7. Being able to lift my arms above shoulder height after I was a bit overenthusiastic in my workout.
8. Gorgeous short-sleeved, flip-flop wearing weather.

SILENCIO

I'm beaking a cardinal rule of blogging. I'm about to recount the details of a dream I had last night. Now, wait, stop right there Jodi. It was ridiculous and bears recounting.

I was in a theatre, part of a performance group (ha!), center stage....my part of the performance? Singing "Bizarre Love Triangle" a capella in front of some huge retro microphone in ridiculous overdone makeup. Weeping. Actually, the most bizarre part is I was watching myself do it.

It was very David Lynch-esque.

Wait, now that I've written it down I realise how not funny and random it really was.

Why is that?

Baby Rhino!

Cutitude.

Gluttony

my most indulged in sin....(food and wine are fine!)

interesting read

Memo:

I will be "working from home" for the rest of the day. Call or email if you need me to do any super urgent work. I will perhaps also be "working from home" tomorrow.

Dear Diary...

My favourite cat!

It seems USD129 is actually a bargain price!

NEWS.com.au | Ugh boots are cool - again (December 27, 2002)

Incredible.

On a related note I was flabbergasted (flabbergasted I says) to see blundies for sale on 5th Ave when I was in New York. The same exact model that I had in my suitcase back at my hotel. The pair I paid AUD35 for a city farmer's like 4 years ago. That pair. In New York, they were for sale for USD129.

Ha.

That being said, I love love love love my blundies like nothing else. But still.....

Oblivio > Road > Talk

The D has just put our turkey in the oven....he is such a GREAT cook! You should have seen it, and this is before it's even cooked. (He brined it a couple days, and then stuffed garlicparsley butter under it's skin).

Our street (and yank family) is convinced that we are grinches and weird... you know, because we aren't insane over christmas. Actually, we've had a lovely time so far. Last night we drank a nice bottle of wine and watched the Christmas Story. Now, D is making my a lovely lunch. Later we'll go to my grandparent's house and catch up with the family.

We are both missing a summertime Christmas...mind you I don't miss being overheated....but I miss going to the beach before Christmas tea.

Christmas in Perth

:(...homesick

According to the D, I'm not "fraaahnch" enough to appreciate true fashionista styles. He hears that novelty christmas themed sweaters are all the rage this year. Apparently, I'm "out of the loop."

Bah humbug! (woteva)

Peepulls, please note: Jewelry which is not "jew-le-ry" nor "jew-ry." Also mauve is "mohv" or even "mawv" not "mWahv."

daily news, uk weather, business news - online newspaper - The Telegraph - Dogs die to teach Peru's soldiers how to kill

oh god oh god oh god.

DQOTD (D quote of the day): As we were driving by a group of people D says, "Whoa! There's a midget...or is it a dwarf? I always forget which is which...midgets are the ones that look like humans right?"

Death-defying bets: What we bet on is not as important as how high the stakes were. Had D lost, he would have had to spend 2 hours in walmart on Dec. 24th. I, on the other hand, only have to make dinner tonight.

Current reasons why our dogs are assholes:
1. While we were out it rained and thundered....apparently this was cause to go spastic, break the baby gate that keeps them from upstairs, and wreak havoc in our bedroom. Thankfully I did laundry yesterday or I'd be out a week's worth of knickers.
2. Ollie somehow managed to launch himself at our kitchen sink in such a way that he was able to tear the plastic wrapper off the turkey we were thawing for our Christmas dinner and eat chunks out of it.

A wine discovery: Pinot Grigio is nice! My "no white wine is a good white wine" rule is suddenly turned on its ear.

Inflatable Church

perfect for a garden wedding!

If only it were an adult sized bouncy castle....now that is one wedding I would really enjoy!

A visitor at our kitchen window.

Goodnight Captain Possum....

The Current State of Affairs

The knee: Oh god. For the love of all that is holy and sacrosanct, how in the world did I manage to forget how horrendously painful road rash/skinned knees are? And revolting as well.

Cracking Headaches: So, not only am I hobbling about (and badly at that) due to obvious physical trauma....the disco move was even less graceful than I first thought. (Um, if that is possible.) As I woke up yesterday with a cracking headache....probably due to a jarred neck/back...or at least that was Dr. D's diagnosis.

The Garden: On a very suburban note.... we have (and when I say "we" I mean D) duly raked up leaves, mowed and done other useful house-ownership type chores this weekend. We are still resisting the pressure to put up Christmas lights and lighted wireform deer.

The Benny: We (and by "we" I mean me) nixed the young couple that wanted him and have gone with the more practical choice of a potential adopter in Austin. Which means we'll be driving to Brenham next Sunday (half-way point and home of the bluebell creamery) so they can meet. Nice. Look, the couple wanted to keep him in a crate 12 hours a day, and this lady wants a dog to be her best companion (ie. sleep in bed with her). The choice was easy

And that, kiddos, is it for now. I'm being summoned...to come sit in the sun and drink my coffee while the does some things with to the soil with a garden implement.

Life is fine.

Late breaking update:

The Hoi-Polloi: Still cramming themselves into the closest mall and going mental with the gift purchasing. Ech. And speaking of Christmas...

Christmas traditions: I would say the D and I have none...but we both know that would be a lie. As per usual we bought a box of cards with full intent that this would be the year we actually sent them out...especially to the overseas gang. Alas, true to tradition....the cards are still completely unopened, unaddressed and unsent.

Quote of the morning:

D had been calling out things for me to do from the top of the stairs, whilst he showered.....he knows this pisses me off to no end. (Ugh, I hate when people start their sentences with: "you need to....")

He knew he'd gone too far so back pedelled by saying:

"Oh and make me some tea will ya? Two sugars please!" (sound of door closing, then opening again) "And a sticky bun!" (close/open) "And do it with a smile!"

Maybe you just had to be here....but it made me laugh.

Rollerblades

So, today I bagged work early.

It was BEAUTIFUL outside....incredibly nice. So, I thought I'd get out the ol' rollerblades and go for a bit of a 'blade ('blade, you know because I'm "down" with the lingo love).

So there I was, swishing along and I got to thinking about my rollerblades. You know, I've had those 'blades for like a million years (like 8). Ha. Seriously. They've been all over the world and are older than most of my friendships/relationships (outside of the obFamilyTies).

So, I started thinking of all the stories connected to that pair of rollerblades...how I bought them accompanied by a guy who claimed to be the son of the singaporean head of state (his name escapes me, he'd moved to houston to pursue "Angel" a stripper, he had a silly ferrarri, had architecural models all around, claimed to have a commissioned project to design an observation point at stonehenge, and a sound studio in his apartment). I remember rollerblading from Rice U to Meyerland in the dead wet Houston summer heat and almost dying at the railroad crossing. I remember rollerblading along the LA coastline with Amber and stopping to straddle a dolphin statue for a picture (that was back in my slillier days). I remember many many runs along the Swan river when I was in Perth for my semester abroad. Somehow the wind was always in our face coming back. But, it must have been good for the body as that was the summer of the infamous front page newspaper photo of me in my (american flag) bikini with Ms. Jes (who is incidentally getting her PhD in physical anthro this year...not only is she gorgeous, but smart). I remember rollerblading to fremantle with Julie one day and then realising the sad truth...that we'd have to 'blade back....after a few beers at the pub. I remember rollerblading from Scarborough to Fremantle and back one ridiculously hot summer day...and having to stop several times to throw myself in the Indian Ocean just to keep from getting heat stroke. I remember stopping to watch the whales just off the shore at city beach (remember that Alex?) and also being attacked by magpies near the football oval there. I remember watching the D miraculously avoid a pack of about twenty runners and a staunch pair of walking old birds on the steep path coming down the city side of the narrows. To this day I still can't figure out how he kept from taking out the entire lot of them like a bunch of bowling pins.

Then I started thinking of all my spectacular stacks on that pair of skates. There have been some real beauties. I remember when I bought those skates I only agreed to wrist guards...you know, because I'm cool and all. Those wrist guards have saved my life more times than I care to count. Remember that time I stacked it in Elkins Lake? I didn't see that storm grate in time. That hurt. What about that time I stacked it near City Beach...that was spectacularly public and oh so funny!

So that's what I was thinking at a critical intersection...when all of a sudden the incline of the path and a groove in the pavement conspired with my right skate. It came to a dead stop whilst my left skate kept travelling with my person. There was an abrupt end to it all, as you can imagine and my body folded in a horrendously comical disco fever split move. Not only was there an involuntary stretching of my groin....I now have a painfully skinned left knee. The best bit? There were witnesses! Laugh? I nearly wet myself.

It is incredibly painful. Hilariously painful. Ridiculously so.

More Yoga

The survey also highlighted some comments that individual doctors wished they could make.

One wanted to say: "Please don't answer your mobile phone while I am doing your smear test."

Soon, the speech of barristers, cabinet ministers, academics and surgeons was splattered with fucks, as it still is today when they want to appear unsnobbish. And, paradoxically, it is often ill-educated people who are the more loath to say it - for fear of appearing ill-educated.


Also from this article, "spastic" is more offensive than "fuck"

Not that I give a fuck.

Note that I must keep making to self: The 'fuck' taboo is still alive and well in suburbia.

Yoga, Unlike Fashion, Is Deep. Right?

Jodi...this one is for you....

Yoga: It's the new Black!

Drunken Boat | 5

Completely Bizarre! Bravo!

(found via Riley Dog)

Oh God. Potluck Lunch.

In the spirit of I actually brought something for the office potluck. To be completely appropriate I searched for the perfect crockpot based side dish including totally processed cheese food products and bland starches. I think I hit the jackpot with Crockpot Creamy Ranch Potatoes. Actually, they look and smell kind of yummy. Meanwhile, it is only 10 am and all those people in this office that are famous for eating the most and contributing the least have already gone into the break room to make their plan of attack. Nice.

(On a side note, I once made my yummy green chicken chili for a chili lunch which I was forced to contribute to by the United Way Gestapo....god. Most people didn't touch it...because it wasn't lurid red and swimming in beef fat. And I quote "Green Chili....it just ain't rah-t.")

Oooh, That's Sure is a MANLY Truck You Drive

Speaking of Bubbas (and I was referring to said bubbas with the quote above)....here's my super-peevish pet peeve for the day. Big manly men that drive around in their 4-wheel drive big-daddy trucks (ie. every other car on the road here is either a truck or suburban or some derivative thereof) and then hit the brakes and drive that beast gently over the two inch speed bumps in our parking garage. You wouldn't want to disturb the delicate shock absorbers by driving over the bitches at normal speed! No!

Obviously, what people like me just don't realise is that those big-ass 4-wheel drive mothers are more delicate than they first appear. It takes a lot of work to keep them shiny and looking spiffy and completely not used for the purpose that they were actually manufactured for (ie. as work trucks to be taken off-road on your farms).

The Unveiling

You probably suspected this all along...but my name really isn't Deliah Shmelia. I know. You are shocked and saddened. In the oprah-esque spirit of being true to my spirit I will now be using my true first name. I know, I know, but I feel I'm ready to take this risk as the only people that read this page already know my name anyways. Duh. And her name was....Cassandra. But you may continue to call me Cas, or Cassie, C or woteva. Which means, of course, that I will no longer feel the same sort of security to post top secret things here. Because, you know, I do that a lot.

I still DON'T CARE

It's a complete shame, but entirely true. I still don't give a flying flip. None. Zero.

Like a Ton of Bricks

And, now it has suddenly hit me....next week is "christmas." God. On my one day off (ie. the 25th) I will have to cart myself around to be merry. Gr8.

Suppertime, and the living is easy....

D is an exceptional cook. That must be said. This week has seen a course of dinners that, quite frankly, are more than a cranky-pants like moi deserves.

One night it was some perfectly cooked mahi-mahi steaks. Tonight I believe that brined pork-chops and garlic mash are on the menu. And, apparently, he will be masterminding our chrissy supper.

Doggy News:
1.Oh, on the doggy front: it seems Benny is becoming a hot commodity. We currently have two potential adopters vying for his love....
2. One of our lurvely neighbours gave us the most hilarious gift. It is a statuette of a beagle up on its hind legs holding a hoop in its mouth. It is meant to be an umbrella holder. It is hilariously kitschy (did I spell that right)? Anyways, alll the beagles were suspicious of it until they thoroughly sniffed its bum and determined it was not a threat. Ruby on the other hand is convinced that it is evil. She stands in front of it and tries to catch it unawares or tries to provoke it into reacting to her. She has attempted to take the hoop from its mouth even. She is hilarious.

Word Lust

You know how much I love words. Adore them. Would eat them up. One of my recent favourite words is: fetid. Don't ask me...I don't know. It is just so fitting for itself. Fetid. Feh-tid. Unfortunately, it is not a word I can use without causing offense. Shame though....."This wassail is absolutely fetid!" has such a nice ring doncha think?

Sore-ity

You know, sometimes it hits me that I'm getting old. Recovering from a long lazy period isn't as easy at it used to be. The working out is killing me. Right now I'm walking like a recovering head injury patient. Everything is sore. The upside? I'm sleeping so much better than I have been in AGES. And having the most hilarious dreams.

Oblivio > Road > Wheels

Beautiful.

Rock Your Wednesday– Part of the “Jam Like I Do” Mix Series

Hey Man Nice Shot - Filter (Fat Boy Slim Mix)
Novocaine For The Soul - Eels
Name Of The Game - The Crystal Method
Underground - Ben Folds Five
Feel It - Tamperer (feat. Maya)
Song 2 - Blur
Voto Latino - Molotov
Closer - Nine Inch Nails
Happiness & The Fish - Our Lady Peace
I Will Not Go Quietly (Duffy's Song) - The Whitlams
Ways T' Burn - Underground Lovers
Pure Morning - Placebo

Universal Rule #2 (re-iterated):

All things taste better with lime.

(Trust me on this one....)

C'est Moi!

In the field of stubble no one can match the accidental artist - smh.com.au

Yikes.

Creepy.

Someone please go see this and tell me if it is as creepy as it appears.

Hanson puts the twang back into country music - smh.com.au

Oh.my.god.

This is just too good to be true.

A Night in the Kunstbar

We drew our heavy revolvers (the guns appeared immediately in the dream) and we happily slaughtered the Gods.

Guardian Unlimited | The Guardian | Notes from a suicide manual

Interesting! Via Riley Dog.

NEWS.com.au | Cool Christmas recipes (December 18, 2002)

Chrissy in Oz.... a menu that speaks to the need to try to keep as cool as possible.

Ice Cream Plum pudding.......nums.

More Cool Garnish Stuff

You should know the awful truth.

This weekend, I bought this gadget....I couldn't help myself. There is was on the shelf at Cost Plus....

What you don't understand is that it was the illustration on the box that got me...a hen laying a square egg and saying "ouch."

Things that have recenlty made me deliriously happy:
*Ridiculously nice weather during lunch today
*Freshly made tortillas available at the local shop
*My neighbour bringing over a bottle of whiskey he'd gotten as a perk. Apparently he won't drink it. Um, I will.
*Thai sweet chili sauce, sour cream and hot wedges

(doesn't take much....simple pleasures for simple minds)

The Stupid Store: Ear Directional Signals

20 things. 20 people. 20 days.

Note to self:

Skipping merrily down the path with dog(s) in tow (tra-la)? Seems like a happy good idea, non? Non!

Not unless you want to hobble around with an injured foot for a few days. (And, it hurts a lot more than your remembered from last time you tried a similar trick at City Beach).

When will you learn?

"How can life be so bountiful, providing such sublime rewards for mediocrity?"

Umberto Eco (Foucalt's Pendulum)

Oh, and you'll love this. Last night I saw the most horrendous show ever on tv. I think it was animal planet. About parasites. Yes, that's bad in and of itself...you know, worms, nematodes, giardia etc. A lot of explosive evacuation action.

But, what I wanted to tell you was about the guy that described in detail how he pulled a tapeworm out of his ass....or as much as he could. I know. But, there's more. After he could pull no more, he called for his wife. (Called for his wife.....actually asked her to come in the bathroom for assistance.) Asked her to snip off what he'd pulled... with a pair of scissors.

I had to leave the room.

Daft Punk

old skool for a monday

Something I Just Now Remembered

I remember waking up in the wee hours and thinking to myself "I must remember to remember that I dreamt of floods. Muddy flooding."

Hmm.

I guess at that point of not quite awake and not quite asleep delirium it seemd awfully important and meaningful to me to know that I dreamt of flooding.

Which reminded me, that I dreamt of being in a train travelling underwater and deciding I needed fresh air. I swam out one of th windows, and then realised there was no way I'd be able to catch up with the speeding underwater train to get back in. For the need of fresh air, the train was lost.

The age of manipulation

An interesting article that perhaps touches on the roots of our general state of existential angst.

Falling

Today, whilst watching the morning news I saw a man fall to his death. Or jump.

Either way, the results are the same.

Pointless Prattle...(you know the stuff you really come here for)

Today the D and I travelled to the far west side of houston (Westsiiiide, baby!) so that I could look longingly at some gorgeous mod furniture (come on santa baby, I've been an awfully good girl this year). (God, yes, chaise lounges... there I said it.)

Since we were already way outside the loop (that's a houston expression, natch) we decided to visit one of the plethora of asian groceries that are located on that side of town. Oh hurrah-ity. I have now stocked up on noodles, sweet chili sauce, curry pastes and all sorts of weird and wonderful things that may or may not ever get eaten but are amusing and fascinating all the same. The bonus of this particular shop was that it wasn't as pungently smelly as others we have visited. I know, I know, I'm as white as can be... but fermenting fish stuffs is just a bit too sniffy for me. They did have some lovely fresh looking pig uteri though! Nums! I was tempted, oh yes indeed.

While we were trolling the aisles at "My Hoa" I spotted a little vietnamese sandwich shop in the far corner of the strip mall. Oh the joy of $2.00 roast pork sandwiches in "proper" bread (as D says) with lots of yummy coriander and salad and yumminess. Plus the fresh spring rolls were ridiculously good. And cheap.

That, my friends, almost makes the drive out to BFE worthwhile. Almost.

Actually D was in fine form today... god, he can be awfully funny sometimes.

After our little trek to the westside we foolishly decided we needed to stock up on vino and DIY goods (don't ask, it is boring as boring can be to buy pruning sheers and other assorted household chore-related implements). Fools! Don't you know people are out there doing "Christmas shopping" and buying alcohol like the world is coming to an end? Did I miss something? The bottle shop was pure chaos. Don't worry, I soldiered on quite well and picked up a couple nice bottles to help me through the week....plus some sake so that we can christen the chrissy gift(ie, and that's for you ms. j).

Every day, more and more, I'm convinced that I'm actually regressing when it comes to what I find funny.

Did I say Mexico. I think I meant Aberdeen, in like March. (I know, that it will still technically be crap weather...but who cares when you are pished in a pub).

Inconsistent, moi? Ha. I'm the very definition of.

In keping with tradition..the D and I caved and gave each other christmas presents early. Ha.

So what did santa's little elf procure for the D this year? A lovely little glazed pottery sake set. Mentos!

What did I get? The most gorgeous little cookbook published in 1897.... D knows my fetishes well.

eBay item 1980165183 (Ends Dec-15-02 19:20:41 PST ) - The Phrenological Journal - May 1899

a must have.

I'm done with this whole shortened day business. I'm through with it, I say.

Is there anything more soulless than going to work in the dark, and coming home in the dark...

In the suburbs?

I argue no.

Brokentype: Eight Little Rejections

Hmm.

Interesting read....

So, yesterday I went in to Houston for a meeting. Woooo-hooo.

Honestly though, it beat the hell out of having to fly to New Orleans for the day for a meeting. (Which was the popular alternative). Mind you, I adore New Orleans, but it is torture to fly in for a meeting and out the same afternoon. All of the hassle of travel and none of the fun of the french quarter.

So, I drove in for the meeting. It wasn't raining...no, more like the heavens had opened. I loathe driving in such heavy rain not only because you really can't see where you are going, but hydroplaning scares the holy jeebus (that's for you Jodi) out of me ever since that little ice on the way to San Antonio incident. (You know, the one that involved rolling my car off a bridge, ahem.)

Right.

The point of the meeting itself was ho-hum. That said, I always enjoy (and I use that term loosely) meetings, just because people and their interactions fascinate me. This meeting involved not only people from our regulated side (ie. moi and the arkansas contingency) but also from the free-market side. (Plus the consultant peddling his wares, and as an aside, he was somewhat interesting if only for the brief discussion that we had on quantum physics.) So, to me, it is always funny to see how people operate under completely different perspectives and think the other side is kind of kooky for not seeing it their way.

Anyways.

What I wanted to tell you was this: that building? Where the meeting was held? Creeped the fuck out of me. It was deserted. Like a ghost town. The women's loo was freakishly empty and industrial and cold and just creepy.

You know, sometimes I forget what a luxury it is for me to work for "the man" on the regulated side of things. The job stability has been great compared to the rest of those poor fuckers out there. But, yesterday, I was physcially confronted with what it feels like to work in a semi-deserted building of bare-bones survivors of massive layoffs.

It was creepy. Creepy I says.

Man killed, ate willing victim - smh.com.au

A sick fucked-up world....

We are only just coming to terms with the magnitude of our ignorance about this place, and the magnitude of the changes we have made. Much of what we think is "natural", such as our entire river system, is, in fact, unnatural, the product of massive human intervention, of trying to turn Australia into Europe. We've failed. What took 2 million years to evolve took 200 years to bugger. Even environmentalists are on a steep learning curve, with many locked into dogmas that will do more harm than good.

I can't understand why choosing to live a life devoted to enjoying yourself should be equated to demonic possession. Show business is littered with people who've enjoyed themselves to the utmost of their ability, and then gone all Salvation Army on us, knackered and maudlin and swooning into the arms of the first guru that comes along.

Nicely said!

On/Off

It seems I'm regulated by a simple mercurial switch.

Like a song almost: when I'm on I'm on and when I'm off I'm off, (and when I'm only half-way on, I'm neither on or off).....

On.

Off.

Simple.

'Cept, when it goes to off....it very rarely, very very rarely, is ever able to be switched back to on.

oooh, a book!

And it sounds yummy.

r e s c u e || y o u r s e l f

f i n d || y o u r s e l f

Pantoum of the Great Depression

Brilliance.

Ruby the pentinent

(not)

The Morning News

for later

World Food Habits Bibliography

If I had infinite time and money, I'd study the anthropology of food.

Seriously.

And now for a dog related story (your fave). The Ollie is terrified of fire. He turns into a big shaking jelly baby of a dog when he spots fire.

Last night (dont' ask) I accidently caught a bit of paper towel on fire for a brief moment.

He has been slinking around ever since...convinced that I'm a fire lady.

He is the biggest goober of a dog ever.

Also, ps. Benny got the pin taken out of his backleg....he's feeling much better (after two years of unnecessary pain) thanks.

NEWS.com.au | Aussie conman has Cherie in tears (December 11, 2002)


The Blairs....

eeeechhh.....(shiver)

NEWS.com.au | Trapped under poker machine (December 11, 2002)

Is this as funny as I think it is? I've been laughing like a retard over this for a few minutes now......

Zero 7

Music recommendation for the day.

HoustonChronicle.com - Deaths: Timothy Shawn Spears, noted local taxidermist

noted.local.taxidermist.

HoustonChronicle.com - Profs say students' parents getting whinier

It's stories like this that make me want to put my head down and never lift it again.

It's stories like this that make me feel even more like an alien in america.

http://www.fourfortyfour.com/

As you said it, it's really sad I can't live here.

Strange Dolls

Kilometer Zero » Up Until Now

Rustic Cabanas Copal Hotel in Tulum Mexico

I've pretty much decided that this is where I'll be in late Jan early Feb.

HoustonChronicle.com - Ball offers dancing with dignity - With photo gallery

(no comment)

Text&Photos

Oh yay! Les Smells is back! I can now stalk her in somewhat real time!

This weekend I paid over USD3.50 for a 300 g tin of custard powder.

It was worth every single penny.

(mmm, 'specially with applie pie)

Guardian Unlimited Sport | Diary | Why sports anoraks are all genital sniffers


genital sniffers.

genius.

MP3.com: Bassic

My music recommendation for work.

Amazon.com: Books: The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness

for chrissy please.

Latest Exit to Brooklyn

interesting re: cultural evolution

NEWS.com.au | Cancer clue in buttocks (December 10, 2002)

The ass knows....

A contribution from the D, an invite to a barbie we've received. Um, don't think we can quite make Bullcreek on the 21st, but still....a little taste of home:

G'day peoples
If your bored and lonely on Saturday night the 21 December There be a gathering at the Andrews household 19 Clifford Way Bullcreek. Softies and light beer will be provided but anything stronger BYO, nibblies and snag in a bun for the munchies, come about 7.30. Call or email me to let me know if your coming.

Ta ta

For dinner tonight, I made a maginficent trout almondine (if I do say so myself.)

Is it my fault that I live with someone who "hates" fresh water fish?

Wot eva.

On another note, what do you reckon? I'm going away, alone for my birthday. Preferably a beach, a shack and hammock...that's all I want....any suggestions?

PS. So what? So I drank red wine with my fish tonight.....it's not like you don't know I'm a complete bougie.....

NEWS.com.au | Man lives nine days on grass (December 08, 2002)

D is a funny boy.

Sometimes.

Yesterday (specifically).

We decided to go into Houston last night (because we needed an excuse to not have to babysit one of the neighbours kids, because we (and I mean me) were too suckass to just say no)...

We went to see my grandparents....they are so CUTE!

And then we decided to go get some "proper" cheese (according to D) at Whole Foods....it carries a generic Australian Cheddar. I was excited, because I could also pick up some reasonable fish and other groceries you can't get in our ultra-white-bread suburb. So, the whole foods adventure starts off rather badly when we are caught in horrendous traffic. Not that it this is unusual in Houston, just that we've gotten used to not having to deal with it. Apparently there was a big twelve game on at Reliant Stadium....so that meant that ever single fucking road was chockers with retarded fans hurrying to the game.

Right. So, D was already in a jolly mood by the time we get to Whole Foods. Which is not helped by the clientele (read: complete wankers). We grabbed our cheese and booked it out of there.

We then make the brilliant decision to go to Spec's (a local bottle shop that actually carries some decent bottles).....ha!

By the time we were getting close, we both had complete commuter fever....D had cranked up some "La Raza" radio station and was singing along as best he could. He would just parrot what he thought he was hearing. It made for some very surreal, but funny, lyrics.

When we got to spec's it was a madhouse. Every other fucker had the same idea as us, apprently, and there was desperate need for vino. So, we pull in and wait for some fossil to get into his car and pull out so we can park. Meanwhile, some wanker (in a ridiculous BMW SUV) pulls in the side entrance and pinches our spot.

D was fit to be tied.

God.

I thought for sure I'd be weeping over his corpse before it was over. He threw himself out of the car and stormed over to the offending vehicle. Nice! But, here's the funny D detail....he's smiling the entire time. I see him have some conversation, which he lives through (as no one pulled out a concealed weapon and shot him as they are wont to do in Houston).

He got back in the car and said that the guy was completely off his face and claimed he would just drop off his passenger and move his vehicle. So, some slag gets out of the front passenger side and shoots D a deadly jihad look. D, the charmer that he is, shouts out his window "You know you love me Sweetheart!"

Nice!

Meanwhile the guy is getting out of his car....so D is back out there....by this time, I'm dying laughing. They have some conversation at the back of the BMW, D is smiling and saying "mate" a lot. Which is always a bad sign. At this point another spot came free, so I parked and walked over.

Jesus Christ on a stick....you could smell this guy from like 40 feet off. He was so drunk he couldn't stand up straight. By the time I got to where I could hear what D was saying he was all "Look, MATE (!!!), you do not need to be driving like you are. You are going to kill yourself and someone else. Really. " He was shaking D's hand.

Ha.

That is so D.

You have to understand, D is a pretty big guy. But, also very nice looking. Yes, attractive, but also looks like a nice guy. So, watching him do his magic when he is pissed just cracks me up. He is pretty imposing, and you know he's mad...but he's smiling like a lunatic and calling you mate. It just confuses people.

Vals, Switzerland

from my friend val (how ironic!)

I must go to this place......

nice!

Italo Calvino

again, I post this, for you.

Dear Diary...

Dear god.

!!!!

I adore.

Texas Style Over-Reaction

It is somewhat chilly outside. 33 degrees. People around here have lost their minds!

1. In response to the emergency (ie. almost freezing temp.) our building has been superheated to approximately 450 degrees (just short of broil)
2. One ramp in houston iced for a short period of time. It was the top news story.

Ah yes.....winter in texas.

How I conduct Bid-Ness

...I've removed all the pertinent names in the exchange between my boss and I below for your enjoyment, who says a working stiff can't have a bit of fun?...

(also I've reformatted in chronological order)

-----Original Message-----
From: bossman
Sent: Thursday, December 05, 2002 3:40 PM
To: minions
Subject: RE: Questions - Call Options Answer


I'm confused. Was there no standard? If not, how do we determine what our rights/expectations are? If we didn't provide a space to identify the run times, how did we get the 4 and 8 hour bids?

My head is hurting more than usual!


Bossman

-----Original Message-----
From: Evil Evil Deliah
To: bossman
Sent: Thu Dec 05 15:41:36 2002
Subject: RE: Questions - Call Options Answer

Bossman,

two aspirin and a whiskey.

(that's my contribution to the mess, er, I mean challenge)
-----Original Message-----
From: bossman
Sent: Thursday, December 05, 2002 3:47 PM
To: evil evil deliah
Subject: RE: Questions - Call Options Answer


Is there a priority on this?


bossman

-----Original Message-----
From: evil evil deliah
To: bossman
Sent: Thu Dec 05 15:48:11 2002
Subject: RE: Questions - Call Options Answer

immediate priority

also, on a related headache note....just met with insert Ops Mgr here re: insert company name here.

I know that it will be top on your list of things to discuss tomorrow.

-----Original Message-----
From: bossman
Sent: Thursday, December 05, 2002 3:50 PM
To: evil evil deliah
Subject: RE: Questions - Call Options Answer


.......and the answer is?

-----Original Message-----
From: evil evil deliah
To: bossman
Sent: Thu Dec 05 15:52:09 2002
Subject: RE: Questions - Call Options Answer

Choose your favourite adventure:
1. 2350
2. Load capacity charges into the price (ie. use LD prices for all flows)
3. Avoid this entire issue at all costs
4. Get rid of all hydros
5. Offer tanks at xy facility for storage of waste water
6. Kill all the lawyers
7. 4 pizzas, a bottle of sapphire gin, a pair of high heeled boots and a drive into the sierras

-----Original Message-----
From: bossman
Sent: Thursday, December 05, 2002 3:58 PM
To: evil evil deliah
Subject: RE: Questions - Call Options Answer


Now I know why they call it "Lucky 7".

David Rees

I'm in love.

I told Jodi last night that if I ever found a guy that was attractive and funny (which for me means smart) then I would die a happy woman.

I'll let you know where to send flowers.

my new fighting technique is unstoppable

So, this is how I'll be spending my day....

Pinstripesuit.com -- Blogging about Business

Hmm, for perusal later-er

Henry needs a date for a resolution!!!

As if you needed further proof that I'm a complete retard. I write ridiculous notes to myself like this all the time. Then laugh like a lunatic. This kind of shit cracks me up.

NEWS.com.au | Fire hits Home and Away set (December 05, 2002)

Altogether now: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Quite possibly everything you'll ever need to know about me.

Look, for a complete surreal kyoob experience, read up on the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis (link provided below) ...especially those that quote Neruda while listening to Cornelius's "Typewrite Lesson" (not the coldcut remix)......

If I had the means, I'd post the mp3 just for you.

Google Search: Sapir-Whorf hypothesis

NEWS.com.au | Mass chicken escape (December 05, 2002)

Chicken Carnage

delusions

ha. bitterness anyone?

dysfunction

Random Smiths Lyrics Generator

HA!

Which is incredibly fitting right now seeing as I seem to have stumbled into a second (albeit somewhat grumpier) teenage phase.

FOX SPORTS | Other Sports | Carvin was swim spy (December 5, 2002)

grrrwl.

hot.

swimmers are hot.

Les Cryptique

(this is for you)

1. I fall for heat...every. single. fucking. time.
2. I may live in the trees, but every night, every.single.night I dream of water.
3. Wine is fine.
4. Aversion to convictions? Decidedly so! (Or as decidedly as the habitually inconsistent can ever be.)
5. I am the oyster.
6. The sun also rises...or something like that.
7. Oh, and how could I forget? I NEVER ask. Never. No matter how much I want to.

NEWS.com.au | 32-sec peek into sun's secrets (December 05, 2002)

I remember a few years ago standing outside 5 Mill Street and watching an almost total eclipse of the sun. Incredible....the way the shadow of it all races at you. There is no other (lack of) light like it.

HoustonChronicle.com - Is high school quest for top GPA out of control?

Oh god.

Why do these kids care so much?

Look, school has always been easy for me. Very easy. It's one of the few things in my life that is easy.

In highschool I never wanted to be valedictorian or even salutorian. I didn't want to play that game. I wanted to be third.

HA!

The true position of power. Good enough to be good enough, but not so good that everyone gets all freaky about competing with you.

I was third in my class with little to no effort on my part.

Yes, because school was a walk in the park for me. A lark. A laugh. An experiment in killing time.

No, I'm not saying it only because I'm an egotistical asshole (although, we both know I am). I know I'm smart, but so what? There are tons of smart people, much smarter than me. Most of them care about shit more than me too.

(God, I know. Look at the bad grammar! Look at the simplistic sentence structure. Look at the typos. Listen to me, I don't care. Just because I'm smart doesn't mean I'm not one of the laziest, non-detail oriented people I know. )

(Remember, first law of moi: I don't care.)

But, I figured out what I needed to do to get to the next step....ie. high enough SATs (yes, I took them only once, and got a bit higher than the score I aimed for, which means, frankly, I worked too hard at it), a filled out extra-curricular schedule (again, activities chosen carefully for most impact with least effort), and a reasonable GPA (les third!).

But, really, it wasn't like I came up with some plan. I just decided what I wanted and then got it.

For me, that's the hardest part...deciding what I want. Once I do, I'm a woman of action....and things happen. Woe be to you that stand in my way.

Which is good, sometimes. But, when, in retrospect I realise that I wanted the wrong thing to begin with...it kills me....kills me that I put effort and made things happen only to get something I didn't actually want after all. And then I'm stuck with it.

Days like today. These wet grey days... These are the days I miss Perth the most.

These were the weeks of delicious summer days. Still quite naughty and capricious. These were the days before the heat became common place and crushingly overwhelming. When the smell of the bush and sea seemed at their spiciest and sharpest. When afternoons hiding in the shade before a cold beer when the doctor blew in were still a lark instead of a necessity.

When sleeping with the windows open became an every night occurrence, and waking up to the cockies screaming overhead at approx. 5:14 am was a secret comfort. Before the sound of the fan drowned out the sound of the magpies and kookaburras.

I remember what it would feel like when that wind blew in down the terrace and tickled the back of my neck as I walked to catch my evening train. How all the gorgeous girls would have long ago ditched their stockings and pulled out the short skirts and sandals. How the gorgeous boys were never without their sunnies and sun bleached hair. Stopping to loll in front of a window full of yummy little summer clothes was always a welcome diversion. A smoothie always seemed like a genius and original idea.

I can't imagine living there just right this very moment....but I suspect it is in my future...somewhere. Somehow, there always has been and always will be Perth. Ridiculous little toy city that it is.

Until then, I remember what it was like to look down and see the white sand of city beach scrunched between my toes.....the dogs running in the foreground....chasing and being chased by the waves. And the sound of water water water.

There is something so wrong about listening to chemical brothers and sonic animation whilst in a kyoob.

Well, actually there is just something so wrong about sitting in a kyoob.

Let's leave it at that little chestnut shall we?

possums are being made into nipple warmers

!!!

Now, why didn't I think of this before?

But of course! Possums - nipples....it's all so clear to me now.

Telling All Online: It's a Man's World (Isn't It?)

I know...old news...wot eva.

I just wanted to say this one thing: GAYE.

Gaye.

gaye.

gaye.

HoustonChronicle.com - A&M pulls the plug on Slocum era

Apparently, 'round these here parts...this is cause for mourning and ashes on the forehead.

Yessirreebob.

If someone else asks me how I feel about it I will die. Drop dead. Or will pretend to, but only after writhing around and screaming "I don't give a flying fuck! I DON'T FUCKING CARE!"

Which is always nice in a corporate setting.

aset`s FotoLog

Is this a trainspotter's fotolog?

!!!!

Oh please! Oh please! Oh please!

Sing, Muse . . . or Maybe Not

"you may encounter Louise Gluck, an exceedingly incantatory reader, and realize that she, for better or worse (mostly worse), means to come across as Cassandra."

Cassandra - it's the new word for asshole...you just keep that in mind...ok?

CNN.com - This art mooooves you - Dec. 2, 2002

peepull

god

I tell you.....I'm a frustrated artist.

I have better weird shit ideas than this!

CERA Events

Um, look, I think I need to go to this retreat.

You know, solely for work purposes.

Ok?

UncommonGoods: ZEN BOARD

UncommonGoods: WISHBONE NECKLACES

I want!

Different shades of perception

For all of you that have looked at me askew when I've given you my opinion (usually drunkenly) on colour perception and linguistic limitations:

See, I'm not the only one that thinks about this stuff.

Bush team eyes star power for energy needs

hmmm.

Help Me, Harlan! Advice for Teens & Twentysomethings

do I even have to say anything here?

God.

I need an intervention.

Complete with kidnapping and tough love.

NEWS.com.au | Crocodiles - no rain, now no sex (December 02, 2002)

Achewood - December 2, 2002

Ha.

Thanks Jodi!

eBay item 2076685355 (Ends Dec-06-02 07:49:55 PST ) - Superb CRACKLE Signed JAPANESE POTTERY Chawan

Is there any way to replicate this effect on walls? I'd like my bathroom like this.

doglets`s Fotolog
Today we went on a long walk. It was a beautiful day.

Wanna see?

Oh god

another thing:

considering the timing for a move back to Australia. (Look, I'm a girl that needs a five year planning window.)

I'm thinking this time we try Melbourne for a while. What do you think?

Oh also, a survey....sort of: (Look, here is your big chance for interactive fun time so don't be shy)

I require a new obsession/project. God. I know. I can't help it.

So, here's the question of the moment, which of the following do you think:
1. Masters in Finance
2. Master in Economics
3. A direct blow to the right temple

Scenes from America:

Friday, the D and I were just settling in for a night of jim-jams and serious ass-sitting when our neighbour called. She and her husband were going to go out for a wild night in the Woodlands and would we like to come along?

Being the social scientist I am, and not one to pass on a wild night in the Woodlands.....I answered in the affirmative....for both of us. The D was not pleased. I ignored him.

So, we drive down to the neighbours. Ha! How Texan is that. We drove three houses down. In our car!

We get into their suburban (which is currently decked out for christmas complete with wreath and lights!!!!) and head out fo a wild night.

Our first stop was a little bar in a strip mall which promised gourmet junk food. Sadly, my stomach has been completely uncooperative lately and as they didn't have plain dry toast on the menu, I settled for a grilled chicken breast. But, let me tell you the platters of deep-fried food stuffs looked divine.

D and J played golden tee. I sat with K and played on some video console a completely ridiculously more-ish card game. Obsessively. Um, I have the highscore.

Oh, and yeah, we drank jugs of draft beer. Spew!

Then we decided to move the party out to the next bar. J suggested a place based solely on the fact that the barmaid has big breasts. A solid strategy, I might add.

It was across the road, but when we arrived they had some horrendous heavy metal band and a cover charge. Nix.

We drove back across the road to a different part of the stip mall and ended up a lovely little establishment called "martinis & more" which is apparently the hang out for the older crowd. Perfect.

The had a jazz/blues band. Excellent!

We made out way in...I ordered a double sapphire & tonic and D goes for straight scotch. Like that.

The band? Hilarious. D said it best when he said...."I think we're in for a night of great cruise ship music."

So true.

The best.

There were old people....doing the bump! Dancing. Shaking their money-makers.

I was completely entertained.