Resolute

Instead of the same old bullshit resolutions that everyone always makes (ie. more fabulous self, more fabulous body, more fabulous brains, more fabulous life, more fabulous everything) I've decided to try resolving to do some different things, starting with the following:
1. Learn to tap dance in morse code.
2. Invent a flashing marquis light for the front of my car that says things like "get out of the fast lane you slow-moving asshole!"
3. Incorporate myself with my magnificence as my corporation's product. Therefore all things that I purchase to make myself even more fab will be totally deductable.
4. Learn tagalog, because who needs "practical" languages?
5. Begin my artistic career by constructing my first installation piece, Merkin Shadowboxes (you know as a commentary on the marginalization of the pubic region).
6. Make lamingtons. From scratch.