D is a funny boy.

Sometimes.

Yesterday (specifically).

We decided to go into Houston last night (because we needed an excuse to not have to babysit one of the neighbours kids, because we (and I mean me) were too suckass to just say no)...

We went to see my grandparents....they are so CUTE!

And then we decided to go get some "proper" cheese (according to D) at Whole Foods....it carries a generic Australian Cheddar. I was excited, because I could also pick up some reasonable fish and other groceries you can't get in our ultra-white-bread suburb. So, the whole foods adventure starts off rather badly when we are caught in horrendous traffic. Not that it this is unusual in Houston, just that we've gotten used to not having to deal with it. Apparently there was a big twelve game on at Reliant Stadium....so that meant that ever single fucking road was chockers with retarded fans hurrying to the game.

Right. So, D was already in a jolly mood by the time we get to Whole Foods. Which is not helped by the clientele (read: complete wankers). We grabbed our cheese and booked it out of there.

We then make the brilliant decision to go to Spec's (a local bottle shop that actually carries some decent bottles).....ha!

By the time we were getting close, we both had complete commuter fever....D had cranked up some "La Raza" radio station and was singing along as best he could. He would just parrot what he thought he was hearing. It made for some very surreal, but funny, lyrics.

When we got to spec's it was a madhouse. Every other fucker had the same idea as us, apprently, and there was desperate need for vino. So, we pull in and wait for some fossil to get into his car and pull out so we can park. Meanwhile, some wanker (in a ridiculous BMW SUV) pulls in the side entrance and pinches our spot.

D was fit to be tied.

God.

I thought for sure I'd be weeping over his corpse before it was over. He threw himself out of the car and stormed over to the offending vehicle. Nice! But, here's the funny D detail....he's smiling the entire time. I see him have some conversation, which he lives through (as no one pulled out a concealed weapon and shot him as they are wont to do in Houston).

He got back in the car and said that the guy was completely off his face and claimed he would just drop off his passenger and move his vehicle. So, some slag gets out of the front passenger side and shoots D a deadly jihad look. D, the charmer that he is, shouts out his window "You know you love me Sweetheart!"

Nice!

Meanwhile the guy is getting out of his car....so D is back out there....by this time, I'm dying laughing. They have some conversation at the back of the BMW, D is smiling and saying "mate" a lot. Which is always a bad sign. At this point another spot came free, so I parked and walked over.

Jesus Christ on a stick....you could smell this guy from like 40 feet off. He was so drunk he couldn't stand up straight. By the time I got to where I could hear what D was saying he was all "Look, MATE (!!!), you do not need to be driving like you are. You are going to kill yourself and someone else. Really. " He was shaking D's hand.

Ha.

That is so D.

You have to understand, D is a pretty big guy. But, also very nice looking. Yes, attractive, but also looks like a nice guy. So, watching him do his magic when he is pissed just cracks me up. He is pretty imposing, and you know he's mad...but he's smiling like a lunatic and calling you mate. It just confuses people.