Current Correspondence

1.
Dear Guy in the next row of kyoobs,

If I hear you hack your phlegm up one more time I will hurl (as loudly and horrendously as possible) into my rubbish bin. I will make loud pointed remarks about how revolting hearing the consistency of other people's throat slime being coughed up really is. I will start wearing surgeon's masks and disposable gloves to work and let people know that it is the amount of germs streaming directly from your kyoob to mine that is causing me to go on the defensive.

Regards,
Howardette Hughes

2.

Dear Nameless Person who pops microwave popcorn everyday,

Please stop. The smell drifting down the halls is atrocious.

Regards,
Les C

3.

Dear Cow who stood us up on the meeting that was supposed to take place between you and Benny last Sunday,

You suck. You are a complete coward. I'm going to keep calling your house because I'm "concerned" that I haven't heard from you. One day you will mess up and pick up the phone instead of having your kids make excuses for you. Actually, I'm not. But, we all think you are an asshole.

Regards,
The Peoples and the Beags

4.

Dear Evil German Gingerbread Cookies,

Will you stop at nothing with your tempting lovliness? I refuse to eat another one of you. Ok, well maybe one more.

Regards,
Les Gluttona

5.

Dear co-worker that laughs like hee-haw whilst slapping your knee,

Stop. Just Stop.

Regards,
Not Amused