Bookish Preferences

At lunch I stopped by the library to pick a few books to take along with me on my trip. I was looking for a certain pysical type. I needed either paperbacks or light hardcovers. Apart from that, I had no other guidelines. To avoid lugging around books that I wouldn't be able to stand beyond the first couple of pages, I actually opened the book up to the first page and made sure it semi-engaged me. I was looking for the perfect airplane book, entertaining and engaging and a quick read.

A couple things I've determined about my preferences when picking up a few random books:

1. If the book smells like musty unwashed winter hair? I can't deal with it.

2. If the book is written largely in vernacular? Can't deal. If is southern girl y'all speak? Really really can't deal with it. Nothing sets my teeth on edge quite like the whole "Y'all, we're soooo cute and we're as southern as get out....even more country than grits and watermelon..." shtick. This writing is not only annoying to read, it is yawningly predictable. It is usually a memoir of sorts (back in the day when the chickens slept under the porch!), a "we are sisters!" book (we call ourselves the y'all sisters!), or a predictable exploration of racial relations in which the white folk learn that black folk are people too (you don't say!)

My wrath also extends to any books written in some weird phonetic glaswegian or irish accent.

3. Any book that has imaginary lands with unpronounceable names.

4. Anything bollywood. There is jut a hype overload and "White Teeth" ruined any excitment I had for this genre. (Ok, you got me, I did love "The Life of Pi" which I read AFTER the disasterous attempt to read "White Teeth.")

5. Any book that picks up where another classic book left off, or is a fictional account of a famous author/composer/minor character in another book. Don't blame me, blame "Wide Sargasso Sea."

6. Any Bridget Jones-esque book. Not only predictable, but, geez, do women really have to discover through a thin novel that they are A-OK just being normal?

Think of me tonight flying through tornado cells to Mississippi in a puddle jumper....