All of you living in suburbia land might appreciate this:

Last week school started around these parts. You know what that means for us, the childless, right? Beyond the traffic problems associated with getting the little preciouses to school...it's doorknock time. Around here, every child gets sent home withint he first two weeks with "fundraiser" catalogs. Mind you, we pay property taxes like everyone else. Part of these taxes go to fund schools (ie facilities) which we don't use. We feel this is contribution/donation enough to the schools of the area. OH, and not only the schools. But, also donations to help pay for costumes for the dance competitions of the after-school activity known as "competitive dance" around here (you really don't want to hear my opinion on this.) Or donations to help pay for the costs associated with the statewide tournaments little Johnny attends with his exclusive, high-tuition soccer club.

Etc.

As we are childless, all area parents have their kids target us for these schlocky fundraisers (ie. $10 wrapping paper, tubs of cookie dough, frozen waffles etc). You know, since we must just have tons of expendable dosh that we would like to throw in their direction so that they can meet their fundraising targets and get that limo ride to chuckie cheese. Of so they can go to florida for the 8-12 year old "world championship" meet for cheerleading.

So, D and I were having a (nother) ranting/raving moment when we got the first fundraising pitch on Monday (the first day of school) during our dinner. As a result, this is what he's written on official looking letterhead and posted on our front door:


Individuals, Groups and Organizations Seeking Donations:


The residents of;

[Address here]

Will only, and without exception, donate funds to non-profit, tax-exempt agencies that are actively involved in the rescue, rehabilitation and re-homing of companion animals. If you believe your group or organization meets this criteria you are more than welcome to submit a proposal for funds outlining and including the following:

Your organization or groups name and address.

Proof of non-profit and tax-exempt status with the IRS

An outline of your donations program.

Why said funds are being sought.

The breakdown of where said funds will be dispersed.

An account of administrative overhead that any donated funds will cover.

If you have further questions or queries please feel free to write to the above address or email.

Regards,
C & D

Isn't that just the bestest ever? He and I have, gleefully, not had to deal with even one more request for donations since then.

(And we may be, officially, the crankiest neighbors ever. It's only inevitable that we'll start shouting "And get off our lawn!" out of the top floor window sometime soon.)

Personally, I'm considering walking around the neighborhood asking for donations to pay for a trip to Australia for us so that we can visit the rellies....I'm thinking of offering designer showercaps at a 1200% markup for sale. All proceeds going to the benefit of our worth cause of course!