Ok, I think I'm back on track. Or something. Any ways, I'm back from Mexico. Thank you to all who wrote, your kind messages are much appreciated. In all, it was a shock...he was only 56. He laid down for a siesta and didn't get back up. So, I'd like to think that it was a good way for him to go, even if it comes as a shock to the rest of us. It seems pretty appropriate for him, our relationship has always been tough and full of miscommunication.

I saw some members of the family that I hadn't seen since I was a wee thing, when my mother left Mexico with us. Though I didn't remember them, they remembered me vividly. That was strangely reassuring and quite nice. I don't plan on letting that tenuous connection falter again. Hopefully I can take the D to meet them later this year.

The bitterest bit of this all, is after many years of being out of the country and unable to see my father I had finally been planning on making a visit before the end of the year. I can't tell you how much regret I have over not accelerating those plans so that I could have seen him one last time. But, as I well know, regrets will not get me anywhere. I think it will just take me a while to forgive myself over it.

Anyways, this is the last I'll mention of this morose business. Life is not about what could have been but about what could be. I will repeat this to myself until I've managed to soothe that awful feeling of "lastima."