Proof that I've woken up in an alternate reality:

I just trudged into our break room for a cup of coffee....one of the good ol' boys that works here (aside: don't get me wrong, I like me a good ol' boy) walked in behind me and immediately migrated to the table holding the over-the-top frou frou pink easter basked up for auction for the march of dimes. He turned to me and said "Well, gooooooo-lllly isn't that pretty? I mean, that is really downright byooteeful!"

Uh. Yeah. The ribbons would like nice in your hair.